I’ll try to do posts like this on a more regular basis, with some kind of theme for each one.

Today, I hand Primility.com over to the fairer and wiser gender. Trust me, we’re all be better off for it.

And now, in no particular order (except the last one), I present to you a smorgasbord of women whose blogs and Twitter accounts you should be following.

She Ordered What?

Kerri Kilbourne (@KerKilbourne) has a really fun blog idea hatching over at SheOrderedWhat.com. If you are a foodie of any kind, or just enjoy reading fun stories, this is a great blog for you.

The basic idea: people let their servers choose their meal and then blog about it. I even got into the act with this post, which recapped a tremendously fun and memorable evening.

The Fashionable, Fit Traveler

One of my favorite people in the whole wide world, Andrea Joseph (@FitTravelerAJ), is crafting her own little corner of the blogosphere with the The Fashionable, Fit Traveler.

She provides great fashion tips – and looks incredibly cute doing so – and also delectable and detailed recipes like Spaghetti Squash with Turkey Meatballs and Homemade Sauce.

Genesis Meranda

A unique blogging voice that I have recently become acquainted with is Genesis Meranda Lee (@GenesisMeranda) and her eponymous blog that you can, and should, read here, which just passed a very impressive traffic milestone!

Among my favorite posts of hers is this one on desire and this “top secret” post that I may be endangering national security by linking to…

Small Hands, Big Ideas

Grace Boyle (@GraceKBoyle) is a longtime favorite of mine, this inspiring young woman whose small hands cannot come close to holding her plethora of big ideas keeps churning out wonderfully enlightening blog posts based on her personal experiences.

Make sure you read her classics like The “I Can Do Anything,” Freedom In Your 20s and my personal favorite of hers: Comparing The Eras: Where People Wrote Letters and When They Did Not.

Kayla Villnow

This link I provide to hopefully help encourage a promising blogger with an essential voice and message, plus an amazing current mission, to blog more.

She wrote this introspective and thought-provoking post about the importance of giving back on February 10th of 2012 and hasn’t written since. That’s a shame.

Reading this post is what led me to read a great book and write this.

Fit Trip

And I highly, highly recommend this Fit Trip video series by the infectiously energetic Kimber Westphall (@Fit_Trip_Kimber).

I met Kimber first through Midwest Sports Fans where she wrote the terrific Blogging Fitness series. You should definitely catch up on the archive if you missed it.

Sarah Spain

One of the best, brightest, and most essential female voices in the sports world belongs to Chicagoan Sarah Spain (@SarahSpain).

If you need convincing, just read this post, entitled “Questioning The Inequality of Insults,” and the reaction it generated. That’s impact.

A League of Her Own

And while we’re on the subject of essential female voices in the sports world with Chicago ties…allow me to introduce you to Julie DiCaro (@JulieDiCaro), who runs the A League of Her Own blog for Aerys Sports. She is also highly engaging follow on Twitter as well.

Though Julie and I are far friendlier during college basketball season (when our rooting interests are perfectly in line – Go IU!), than during baseball season (when our rooting interests are diametrically split – Go Sox!), hers is always a valued and candid online perspective on a variety of subjects.

Beginning Baseball

And last*, but most certainly not least, is sports fan extraordinaire Amanda Lawson (@AmandaRLawson), who re-launched her highly entertaining Beginning Baseball series this week on MSF.

Pro tip: if you are a fan of the Green Bay Packers, you will really want to follow Amanda. You’ll get along great!

* – Amanda is listed last here as a penalty for choosing the Twins to be her favorite baseball. All things considered, it seems fitting, no?

*****

Now it’s your turn. What women with unique online perspectives do you want to highlight? The comment section is yours. Enlighten us all.

And I don’t mean in my ability to handle dinner plans being moved from 6:30 to 7:00.

I mean, literally, I need to get more flexible in my muscles and joints and all of the other bodily fibers that are starting to creak more and more like the staircases of ancient Italian villas as I move further into my 30s with each passing day.

I know this. I understand this. I accept this.

I just haven’t been great at actually, you know, doing something about it.

Until now.

For example, I know that doing yoga regularly would help. Not only would it help me achieve my primary goal of increased flexibility, but it will help me achieve other goals like losing weight, getting into better shape, and just generally being more active.

So three times in the past several years I have attended yoga classes with the “intention” of making it a regular activity.

The first time, I found it painful but somewhat enjoyable, yet I didn’t go back.

Here is a photo of me taken during that first class:

It’s quite the challenge when you’ve been stuck behind a desk and picked up some softness in the midsection.

The second time, I found it more painful but still semi enjoyable, yet I didn’t go back.

The third time, which was Monday evening, I found it still painful and more enjoyable, and damnit this time I’m going back.

The reason why this time is different? I decided to learn from past mistakes and not allow myself to avoid doing something I don’t necessarily want* to do, but know I should.

* – Dirty little secret: I’m actually genuinely excited about going back and doing another class. That certainly helps…

The last two times I went, I kept my “intention” of making it a regular activity to myself. Thus, if I didn’t go back, the only person who would know would be me. And while I can be very demanding of myself at times, there are other times when I am quite good at rationalizing laziness or procrastination or any number of other self-defeating activities.

Not this time.

Before the first class on Monday I tweeted out my intentions. This was Step #1.

As soon as I got home from the class Monday, I looked up the schedule and found the next one I could attend. I put it in my calendar like a date or an appointment. This was Step #2.

Then came Step #3: After the class Monday I emailed a friend who has been espousing to me the benefits of a hot yoga class she attends. I let her know about my first experience on Monday, told her I was going back again this week, and she agreed that I definitely should (with lots of encouraging !!!!’s).

Now if I don’t go, I’ll look like a namby-pamby nincompoop who’s afwaid of a wittle yoga cwass and who can’t keep his word.

This is what I call positive peer pressure.

And here is Step #4: Writing this post.

Right now is the danger zone. There is an hour until the class starts, and I have any number of excuses I could turn to in an attempt to rationalize avoiding going:

• It’s the middle of the work day…I can’t leave my computer!
• I already did a 30-minute elliptical workout this morning to get the blood flowing a bit.
• I could always go tomorrow or on the weekend.
• Would it really be that bad if someone thought I was a namby-pamby nincompoop?

These rationalizations started to form a maelstrom of convenient avoidance in my mind right around 8:45ish. But thanks to Steps 2 and 3, plus my own genuine desire to go again, I was already committed to today’s class – even though I’d essentially lose nothing by not going, as the classes are included in my Lifetime Fitness membership.

Still, I decided to write this post as one final precaution. One final strategy to avoid avoiding something Lazy Jerod doesn’t want to do but that Smart and Rational Jerod knows he should do.

Because now if I don’t go I’ll have wasted all this time writing this post. And there are few things in life I hate more than wasting words once they are written.

More importantly, I’ll have totally blown any chance I have at building trust and respect with readers for my whole notion of primility, and positive attitudes, and all that other jazz I’ve been discussing here.

And most importantly, I’ll regret it. This would ultimately be the worst penalty of all, because nothing challenges and sometimes ruins a positive and optimistic attitude like regret.

To hell with regret.

So not long after I hit Publish on this post, I’ll be hopping in my car and making the quick jaunt to Lifetime for yoga class numero dos this week. It will be painful, but I expect to enjoy it.

Most of all, I will definitely enjoy walking out of the class with pride once it’s over, knowing I’ve taken one more positive step towards incorporating this into my normal exercise routine.

Eventually I hope I won’t need to state my intentions publicly in an effort to channel positive peer pressure into do something I should do anyway. But for now it works, so I’m embracing it.

*****

Is there anything in your life that you know you should be doing and want to avoid avoiding?

Try this simple strategy out. It’s working for me. It might just work for you too.

A car? A snazzy new outfit? A delicious meal? A trip around the moon?

Nope.

You may be surprised to learn that the greatest gift you can receive is actually not something that can be bought. It’s not available in stores. In fact, it’s priceless.

And it’s not something anyone else can give to you; only you can give it yourself.

So what is this most special of gifts?

A positive attitude.

Image via: AngiePaige.com

And it’s never better, more effective, or more appreciated than in those moments when it is the toughest to maintain.

Traffic Sucks…Or Does It?

I thought about this on Friday of this past weekend when I was driving up to meet my brother to play some basketball and got stuck in awful traffic. Cars were lined up almost a mile back on the George Bush Turnpike attempting to merge onto 35 North. It was epic, especially for there being no accident.

I had told my brother I’d be there around 6:30. I left my house at 6:00. I didn’t even merge onto 35N until 6:45 (which takes all of about seven minutes with no traffic).

My initial reaction when I saw the traffic was frustration.

What kind of bullshit is this? At 6:00? On a Friday? I want to go see a show tonight after we get done playing, now I’ll never have time to do both. Why am I even driving out here anyway? I could have driven five minute to the Lifetime by my house and played basketball? This sucks! HEY YOU! OH NO YOU ARE NOT MERGING IN AFTER I’VE SAT HERE FOR 10 MINUTES! BACK OF THE LINE ASSHOLE! (Yes, I was but a few moments away from going Walter Sobchock on a few of the cars around me.)

You know, that kind of frustration.

But then I stopped myself an wondered what I was really getting frustrated about. I started to realize:

• I had two great CDs in the car to listen to; so I turned off sports talk radio, popped in the music, and starting singing along.
• I was on my way to play basketball, a sport I love, with my brother, now back in town from college and healthy after four – count ‘em four – ACL surgeries.
• Walking up to Flower Mound would take hours; even in traffic this would be much faster. How lucky was I to have the ability to do so when so many others would not?
• The dark, cloudy sky looked ominous, but I was safe and dry in the car.
• Speaking of the car, it was a rental, which I am driving because my car is in the shop after a small accident – how wonderful is it that a) I have a car, and b) that even after said car gets smashed up and needs repairs, I get another car to drive until it’s back in working order?

I could go on and on, but you get the picture.

Yes, traffic sucked. And it would have been easy to just focus on that. But it was actually a lot easier to find thoughts and feelings to get excited about and feel good about once I actually made the conscious decision to do so.

I ended up making it to Lifetime in Flower Mound at about 7:15, and by the end of the drive I actually found myself wishing the drive could have been a bit longer because I ended up enjoying driving along to the music so much. It was a quite a stark contrast from how the drive began.

And only one thing changed: my attitude.

Having a Positive Attitude is a Choice

Granted, I tend to have a relatively positive attitude most of the time; but I’m not a robot. And what I re-learned on Friday night is an important lesson, because even the most positive and consistently optimistic people in the world are not robots either.

Having a positive attitude even in negative situations, and being optimistic even when chips seem stacked against you, is a choice.

And by making this choice over and over again, it creates a habit.

The people whose attitudes and optimism I admire the most are the people for whom this habit has become most ingrained. They have literally trained themselves to think positively and find ways to be optimistic, no matter what.

What’s amazing is that there is literally no situation in life where this isn’t beneficial.

Sure, some situations are much, much harder to be positive and optimistic about than others. Being stuck in a traffic jam is extremely small potatoes in comparison to the many more stressful, sad, or tragic circumstances we can find ourselves in on a daily basis.

Shoot, my brother and I found ourselves in one later Friday night during our hoops marathon.

He went up for a rebound, came down awkwardly on someone’s toe, and crumpled to the floor in pain. My first thought, of course, was an agonizing burst of fear that he’d hurt his knee again. Luckily he did not, but he did sustain a rather ugly and soon-to-be-swollen ankle injury.

But even in that moment, probably thanks to what had just happened in the car, I started thinking of the positives:

• It could have been the knee!
• Since he is studying physical therapy in college, this will give him another injury to gain first hand experience in rehabbing from.
• He seemed to handling it with incredible toughness and perspective, which shows the impact his previous injuries have had on his mentality and maturity.

I tried to relay some of these thoughts to him. Hopefully they helped. Either way, he was already choosing to have a positive attitude about it, which made me quite proud and which I’m sure made it easier for him to deal with as well.

*****

My Challenge To You

The point here is simple, but it could not be more important: in every situation we have a choice to be positive or negative, optimistic or pessimistic. The right choice is always positivity and optimism.

Sometimes our emotional, visceral reaction to situations will lead to negative or pessimistic mindsets. This is what happened to me when I first saw the traffic stacked up on Friday.

And this is where it can be so beneficial for each of us to take a step back, a step outside of ourselves even, and analyze why we are reacting how we are and then flip it around and ask Are there positives I am overlooking? What reasons can I find to do a 180 and feel good about this situation?

There may not always be, but for most of our daily stresses and negatives I think there are.

So I challenge you: the next time you start to feel negative about something, make the choice to be positive instead.

Make a conscious decision to start listing out in your head all of the positives you may be overlooking or that you are taking for granted. Will yourself to view the situation differently and more optimistically than you would have normally.

You will be one step closer to making it a habit.

And the habit of a positive mindset is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

The timing also coincided with me canceling my cable, which has been far more beneficial than I ever anticipated, so you can also chalk my loss of interest in Mad Men up to a general disinterest in watching anything.

However, during my time watching the show, I did realize what all the Don Draper/Jon Hamm fuss was about.

Draper is a fascinating character, and Hamm plays him splendidly. Neither the character nor the actor compare to Walter White/Bryan Cranston from Breaking Bad, but the Draper/Hamm persona is certainly far easier to embrace away from the show.

Which is why I found the video below to be so interesting and entertaining and decided to blog about it.

Here is Jon Hamm answering five questions from girls in the new “Ask A Grown Man” segment from RookieMag.com.

Here are a few lessons, for both girls and guys:

1. “Seriously, commit.”

Why use phrases like “16-ish” to describe your age? Age is an integer. You are one number or you are another, or you are a specific fraction in between two (e.g. 16 and a half). But there is no “-ish” necessary.

If you won’t commit to a simple fact about yourself, what in the world will you commit to?

2. “Don’t define yourself by who wants to get with you.”

Physical attraction and physical intimacy are important, but they can also be misleading. We set ourselves up for very superficial views of ourselves if we only judge our self worth based on our ability to successfully engage in “getting with” someone.

Far more important than who wants to “get with you” is:

• Who wants to spend time talking to you?
• Who can enjoy doing mundane things with you?
• Who wants to wake up next to you?
• Who trusts you?
• Who laughs with you?

You’re much better off defining yourself and choosing friends and significant others based on these more meaningful questions, which have answers with long-lasting impact, as opposed to simple matters of lust, which fades.

3. “Have your own style…what you like.”

Hamm is answering a question about how to dress, but it applies elsewhere also.

When it comes to how to dress, what music to listen to, what to eat, what extracurricular activities to participate in…have your own style and do what you like.

Of course trying new things is good, but don’t add them to your own personal style or rotation unless you genuinely like them. You’ll be happier in the long run.

4. “Don’t go around trying to please guys. It’s impossible. It’s like going around trying to please girls. You’ll never do it.”

This echoes #3 but warranted it’s own heading.

Please yourself. You’ll actually be much more able and willing to please others in the long run if you do.

5. “I was under the impression that girls never farted.”

See, even someone who seemingly “has it all” like Jon Hamm can be prone to erroneous misconceptions.

So don’t feel bad if you are too sometimes. Just do what Hamm does: admit your mistake with humility and humor and move forward.

6. “Everybody farts.”

Indeed, it’s true. Especially Bert Blyleven.

The point is, who cares? Things happen. Bodies sometimes have to release air in a manner that isn’t altogether pleasing to the olfactory senses.

Worry less about it happening than if someone really gets offended or turned off by it. Such a person probably has unrealistic expectations. Better to uncover that early on anyway, right?

(On a related note: always find the positive in every situation, even the embarrassing ones. It’s always there. Sometimes you just have to dig for it.)

7. “I’m going to have to know what this ‘stuff’ is.”

Unless you are describing the acting of putting a delectable side dish inside a turkey, or you are talking about baseball, the word “stuff” probably should not be used.

It’s general, it’s lazy, and it is typically worthless — a lot like the word “thing.”

And it leads to awkward moments like this:

Whatever the “stuff” is that you are referring to, whether it’s making out and other general acts of foreplay (as in the video) or something else, just say what you mean. It will make communication much easier on all of us.

8. “Use your best judgment, or talk to somebody that has better judgment.”

This is a great general call to action for the primility mindset as a whole, is it not?

We should always take pride in making the best judgments possible in any situation, but it is also important to be humble enough to know when our judgment may not be optimal and when the seasoned advice of someone else could be beneficial.

So trust your instinct if your instinct in a particular situation is strong and well-honed, but don’t be afraid to seek external counsel if necessary.

The goal in any matter of consequence should be to make the right judgment, not simply to be its sole arbiter.

***

Who would have thought that an unkempt TV star could provide such insight while answering the questions of high school-aged girls? Jon Hamm continues to impress.

Did I miss any particular lessons that you gained from the video?

And with good reason. It’s awesome. And 100% true.

Image source: Reddit

If you do click over and happen to venture into the comment thread, wade carefully. First, you’ll notice the rather…ironic…user name of the person who submitted it. You’ll also notice the in-depth analysis about why it might be a “forgery” – i.e., drawn by an adult but made to look like a kid’s drawing.

To all of this I say: who cares.

The sentiment is dead on, and it’s one I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, even if not in those specific words.

I thought about an iteration of this idea twice while driving yesterday actually.

The first time occurred as I was leaving my office. I ended up behind a car going painfully slow, which was coming to near-complete stops at every opening in the median as its driver ostensibly tried to ensure it was making the correct left turn. I couldn’t pass him because traffic was heavy in the right-hand lane.

My initial response was to get frustrated and bellow the predictable, “Come on man! What’s going on?”

But then I caught myself. What was I really frustrated about?

So this guy (or girl) is a bit confused about where he is, and this 15-20 second delay might make me miss the green light I could see up ahead. Who cares? Am I in that much of a hurry to get home that this will adversely affect my life?

The answer, of course, was no.

In fact, honking or making a big to-do would have just compounded the problem and distracted Confused Driver from figuring out his turn as quickly possible.

Perhaps appropriately, this song was emanating from my speakers, and at the apex of my brief bout with frustration I happened to pick it up right at the perfect time.

The chorus goes:

Living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
Got peace in soul
Where I’m going, I’m already home
I’m living in the moment

Nice timing Mraz. Simplistic and a bit cheesy? Sure. But also and great message and rather apropos considering the moment.

I appreciated the lesson.

The moment I was living in, even if ever so briefly, was one of anger and frustration. The moment I could have been living in was one of patience and understanding. Why choose the former and embrace negativity when the latter option was so easy to choose and would help out everyone involved?

This isn’t to say that all driving incompetence should be excused, especially if it endangers others; but in this particular situation what was the point of allowing someone else’s momentary confusion to bring any negativity into my own world?

Selflessly, the best decision was to chill out and let the driver figure things out. Selfishly, the best decision was to chill out and protect a positive attitude that had been buoyed by a day of high productivity.

When a decision can be made in which selfless and selfish ideals align, there is absolutely zero justification for making anything but that decision.

So what I’m trying to say is that I basically told myself: the world is pretty and I should be quiet and enjoy it.

Appropriately enough, a similar situation faced me later that night.

While driving my brother-from-another-mother Bryce home last night, we got behind a truck that was driving similarly to how the car was from earlier in the day.

We were in the left lane, preparing to turn left onto Bryce’s street, and the truck clearly was trying to figure out what turn to choose from. Making the decision even more difficult was the darkness of the night and smallness of the street signs.

Bryce, who just recently began driving (officially anyway), implored me to lay the horn on the guy. I refused. It’s not a reaction I would have normally had anyway, but especially with the context of what had happened earlier in the day, it was easy to release any frustration and, well, just be quiet and enjoy it.

Our turn was maybe a quarter of a mile up the road. The slowness of the vehicle in front of us was causing a 20-30 second delay in our arrival at Bryce’s house.

So what?

At worst, it was 20-30 more seconds to hang out and talk about old school Tupac songs or his upcoming Civil War project.

What would honking accomplish? Or angrily swerving into the right lane, speeding past the truck, and then swerving back into the left lane in time to make our turn?

Not only would it have been a terrible example for me to set with an impressionable new driver, it would have distracted and possibly annoyed the truck, with little discernible value resulting from it.

*****

When I saw the drawing above again this morning, I thought immediately of these two stories from yesterday.

Maybe the words of this nameless, faceless child were subliminally impacting my thought process and I didn’t even know it, because I was definitely putting into practice the wonderful philosophy that the world is pretty and everyone should be quiet and enjoy it.

It’s true in the car, at the office, at home, out and about…anywhere.

There is a time and place for everything, and yes even anger and frustration have their place occasionally.

But for the most part, for me anyway, I find life to be a lot more fulfilling when I take pride in protecting my natural optimism and positivity by humbly trying to figure out how I can alleviate a frustrating situation rather than exacerbate it.

If it helps the world stay pretty, and it helps me enjoy it, that’s a decision I want to make every time.

The post is called, simply, “Desire.” You can and should read it in its entirety here.

In the post, Genesis describes the dichotomy of feeling that we all have experienced: wanting something, desiring it, “so bad our insides hurt,” yet at the same time being reluctant to actually go after it.

“Why do we do this to ourselves?” she asks.

Genesis posits that we resist going after what it is we desire because of an innate fear of losing what we have. “By keeping our desires at bay, we don’t have to change, let go, or move forward into the unknown,” she writes.

There is a lot of truth in that. The question, of course, is what we should do about it, because unnecessary or reckless risks in pursuit of our desires may not be optimal…but neither is a life of comfort that never leads to achievement. The former is too dangerous, the latter too stale and uninspiring.

Genesis wonders if there is a middle ground between the two extremes. I think, unequivocally, that there is.

Though the term primility is specifically derived from the words pride and humility, and its explicit meaning is the balance of those two seemingly opposing forces, in general the term and this site is about balance, about finding a happy medium.

Some people may say that balance is unnecessary, that you can only truly achieve greatness by being unbalanced in the direction of that which you truly desire. As someone who has lived that way and embraced wearing blinders in pursuit of a goal, I can say that I do not agree.

Balance is the key. It is necessary. Whether it be between pride and humility, work and play, desire or comfort, or anything else.

But balance is hard.

It’s easy to focus one’s mind and efforts totally on work 24-7 for periods of time. But for how long? When does burnout set in and what deleterious effects have set in when it does?

It’s also easy to focus one’s mind and efforts on fun 24-7. But, again, for how long? And when you come up for air from your running cannon ball dive into hedonism, what do you have to show for it after? What debts, monetary and otherwise, have you accumulated?

Balance.

But how do we achieve balance in relation to desire? It’s a great question Genesis ponders about desire, a universal one that everyone wrestles with from time to time.

A life without desire, and a life in which we do not feel free and empowered to go after that which we desire, is barely worth living. But a life without some comfort, some “safe zone” to recharge, regroup, and recalibrate, and to remind us of who we are whence we came, can be a difficult if not impossible one too.

In my experience, the happiest and most content people I’ve ever met are the ones who can balance these competing states of being.

These people never hesitate to put the full force of their mental and physical energy behind their drive to grasp whatever it is they desire, but they also know that family, friends, freedom, and faith (whatever it is they have faith in) cannot be cast aside indefinitely.

Towards the end of her post, Genesis says, “I believe desire is what keeps us moving forward.” She is correct. Without desire, we would do nothing.

But forward in what direction?

Those elements of our life that give us comfort, that we may even sometimes see as impediments to the attainment of whatever it is we desire, are also often the compass that reminds us who we are and what direction we should be going in.

We ignore these compass needles at our peril.

Ultimately, we should all wake up every day driven by the pursuit of something. That is desire. And desire should be omnipresent in everyone’s life, something each of us takes pride in possessing and working towards, because without it a person is just passing time.

But we shouldn’t abandon our humility in the pursuit of our desire, the humility that reminds us of what we already have, who we shouldn’t take for granted, and where in our lives we are being counted on.

Desire is a wonderful feeling, a necessary feeling. It should be embraced, nurtured, and unleashed with a controlled fury that makes its possessor an indomitable force of will, focus, achievement. But do not underestimate the importance of controlling that fury. Otherwise, our desires control us; and perhaps that, more than anything, is what we fear about desire.

So that’s the secret: we don’t need to be scared of desire; we just need to remain in control of it, which will allow us to remain in balance.

And when we can do that is when we truly live the life we desire.

*****

What do you desire but have been hesitant to go after?

What is your biggest challenge in trying to balance desire and the part of you that resists embracing it?

When I turned it off that night, I didn’t necessarily plan on not turning it on again, but when I got home from work on Tuesday I found myself dreading the vapid NFL draft analysis, ubiquitous re-runs, and stale reality shows I’d be met with if I decided to turn it back on.

So I left it off Tuesday night.

Then Wednesday night as well.

Then on Thursday night too, at which point I had become so enthralled with my no-TV life that at 10:30 pm I attempted to call Time Warner to cancel my cable TV package altogether. (Unfortunately they were closed by then, so I completed the task Friday morning.)

Then this weekend, a memorable one thanks to some great guests who were in town, was totally TV free.

And it was awesome.

Here is a smorgasbord of reasons why I’m so thoroughly enjoying living without TV…and why I may never go back.

1. Less Distractions = More Focus

Pretty simply formula.

I never realized how fragmented and disjointed by thoughts and actions had become with the TV constantly on in the background.

With it now off, and either silence or music playing in the background, I find myself being far more engaged in whatever activity I’m doing, whether it be reading, getting work done on the computer, or just getting stuff done around the house.

2. Less Prone To “Apartment Inertia”

It is definitely a lot easier to sit around and be mindlessly entertained when the TV is on, whether it be on a weeknight after a work or a weekday. I call this “apartment inertia.”

You flip on the TV with no plan of what to watch whatsoever, and then somehow three or four hours later you’re still watching TV with absolutely nothing to show for it but wasted time. That ever happen to you?

If turning on the TV isn’t an option, the likelihood of apartment inertia taking hold is far less. Something has to fill the now empty time though. For me, that has involved working out more and making more actual interpersonal connections, getting out the driving range to get my golf game going again, reading, and going on more walks with my dog.

Each of these activities is far more beneficial than sitting idly and watching the TV.

3. Improved Health and Weight Loss

It’s true. My progress towards my weight loss goals has accelerated just in the six days I’ve gone without TV.

It’s pretty obvious why:

• Less time sitting idly on the couch has led to more time up and being active.
• Less time around the apartment has led to less boredom eating.
• Less exposure to the subliminal effect of advertising has led to a recommitted effort on my part to my mostly natural diet.

Add all of these components up and it’s no wonder that I feel better, both mentally and physically.

4. Happier Disposition and More Positive Attitude

Sometimes it takes other people to let us know when we seem happier, more positive, or more optimistic. I haven’t needed anyone to tell me I have been happier, more positive, and more optimistic over the last week. I can feel it.

You may be noticing that these salubrious impacts of not watching TV are building on each other:

• Because I am less distracted and more focused, I am less prone to apartment inertia.
• Because I am less prone to apartment inertia, I am getting up and out and doing more things while eating the right foods.
• Because I am doing more and eating right, I feel healthier all around.
• And because I feel better mentally and physically, I am happier and more positive.

Now, I’m always generally happy and optimistic. But when I notice that I feel markedly more of each consistently, I know something drastic and positive is occurring.

And everything stems from the decision to simply not turn the TV on.

Understand: this is not a moral stand against TV.

I still enjoy watching sports, and I have the MLB.tv app on my iPad so I can watch White Sox games or any other baseball game when I want to.

And there are certain shows I still enjoy watching, Shark Tank for example. Yesterday I laid down on the couch for a bit with my iPad and my dog and watched Friday’s episode on ABC’s great entertainment app.

You may be wondering, so what’s the difference?

The key for me is to make TV truly “on demand.”

I can do that when I use my iPad or computer to choose what specific show I want to watch at what time. And yes, I realize I could technically do this with regular cable and a DVR as well, but frankly I don’t want to have to try to be that disciplined with the TV. It’s simply too easy to turn it on and leave it on. I prefer to just not have the option.

Plus, there is one more major benefit:

5. Saving Money

Eliminating cable cut my monthly bill by over $50. As I mentioned in this recent post about overcoming fear, I immediately went out and rewarded myself with a personal gift – a pair of TOMS – with the money that would otherwise have been going to Time Warner.

And for what? What value was I really getting out of that money? I hated feeling like a slave to the damn TV anyway. Now I’ve eliminated that negative from my life, experienced all of the positives listed above, and saved money in the process.

I’d say that’s a productive change.

*****

If you find yourself lamenting time you spend watching TV because it prevents you from doing other things you want to do, just take the bold action of turning it off for a while.

It might be a bit of a challenge at first – old habits die hard after all. But see if you experience the same benefits I’ve been experiencing. If so, you may genuinely not want to turn it on again.

I don’t.

And it’s a great feeling.

Start Something That Matters

If you don’t know the story of TOMS, it’s really quite remarkable. Learn more about it here.

Basically, Mycoskie started a shoe company with one simple idea: for every pair of shoes he sold, he would outfit an impoverished, shoeless child with a new pair of shoes.

It was a radical idea, but Mycoskie was not about to let fear stand in his way.

* – For the record, at the end of typing that intro sentence and adding that link to TOMS, I went and bought a pair (this one). I recently canceled my cable – more to come on this in a later post – so I decided to reward myself and help deliver a pair of shoes to a child in need with what I’ll save on my bill next month.

The trip to Argentina that inspired Mycoskie was in 2006, and the company hasn’t stopped growing since he launched it right then and there. In Start Something That Matters, Mycoskie recounts the tale of TOMS’ humble but inspired beginnings and divulges some of the lessons he learned along the way.

I’m about halfway through the book as I type this, already brimming with post ideas.

Today, I’m going to talk about fear and one particular lesson I learned (or perhaps re-learned) from the chapter in the book devoted to the subject.

Mycoskie writes:

Everyone who succeeds battles through adversity. The more you read biographies, talk to successful people, and listen to business leaders, the more you’ll hear about mistakes, screwups, fears, and failures. But you’ll also see that those downers often turn out to be the biggest blessings they ever received. This is a lesson you have to keep learning.

I guarantee that in any new endeavor, there will be days you’ll feel completely doomed, convinced that failure is inevitable and that, no matter how hard you work, you will never succeed. I had plenty of these days during the first few years of TOMS. We were doing something totally different and it was scary. When that does happen, you will be faced with one of the most important tests you’ll ever encounter. Setbacks and fear are inevitable. The thing that distinguishes ultimate successes from the ultimate failures is this: What do you do with them?

Think of the odds Mycoskie was facing:

• He had no experience in shoes or apparel, though he had founded a successful company before.
• A business model like his – a “one for one” model of selling and giving – had never been attempted before.
• The shoe design was a traditional Argentinian style that was not proven to sell in the U.S.

When most people would have turned back or given up, rationalizing the decision because of how unlikely success seemed, Mycoskie and TOMS powered forward and became a massive success.

Mycoskie was the right person at the right time with the right idea, no question. He saw an opportunity that no one else could even conceive and made it a reality. It sounds romantic and fun and almost simple in a way; but that doesn’t mean it was not also scary and challenging in those times when there were no promises of success, or barely even a glimmer of it.

But Mycoskie believed in his cause, in his idea, and in himself. That gave him the courage to face his fears.

How you react to negative feelings will be the key to your success. Becoming comfortable with fear, and acting confidently in its face, will not only give you more courage when facing it next time but also greatly increase your chances of achieving success and happiness.

We are experiencing this right now at our company.

Several years ago it was just me and Derick. We had achieved modest success growing our agency business with SEO, social media, and reputation management work. We felt good about things heading into our second Christmas holiday season as business partners.

Then we lost our biggest client, right around the time when the economy was reaching its nadir.

Needless to say, it wasn’t the Christmas present we were hoping to receive.

We had a few serious, somewhat somber talks about what was next and what we needed to do to make the business work. We couldn’t work for pennies – or what felt like pennies in relation to our efforts – forever.

But we did believe in what we were doing, in eachother, and we trusted that if we kept at it we’d make our own break somehow.

We did.

Traffic on Midwest Sports Fans became so high that the site crashed regularly. Derick, with his technology background, took it upon himself to figure out a better way to host demanding WordPress sites.

This was the birth of HostCo, which merged with CopyBlogger Media last year to become Synthesis.

Yesterday, we were able to celebrate the Synthesis logo being officially added to the CopyBlogger website, fully integrating our services in with their other highly successful web products and respected online brand. It suggests an exciting, fruitful future for all of us, and we couldn’t be more proud of what we’ve accomplished together.

And just like with TOMS, none of it would have been possible if we had allowed fear to outduel our belief in ourselves, in eachother, and in our idea.

Reading the “Face Your Fears” chapter in Start Something That Matters reminded me of the importance of sizing up our fears, understanding them, and then powering through them. It was inspiring to read the stories Mycoskie tells about others who did just that, and it was a real moment of pride to remember how we had as well.

The lesson: Don’t let fear knock you off course when you are working towards your goals. Rather, use it to help drive you there faster.

You may just be amazed at what you can accomplish.

*****

What fears are you currently dealing with that are inhibiting you from working towards your goals?

What fears can you see and understand, but are struggling to overcome?

Scott Merkin, who does a terrific job covering the White Sox beat for the team’s official website, took the opportunity tell the story of a trip Humber took this past December to impoverished areas of the Philippines and the impact it had on the pitcher.

I highly recommend the entire article, which you can read here.

This excerpt is what stuck out the most to me:

“In this country, I think we take so much for granted,” Humber said. “We kind of have the American dream of how my life is supposed to look: ‘I’m supposed to have this and that and if I don’t, I’m not happy with it.’ You go over there and they have nothing. You see every once in a while a McDonald’s or Starbucks, but that’s just the minority going over there.

“Most are living with no running water, no plumbing, no electricity. It’s super hot over there, but there is no air conditioning and they are bathing in the streets. Little babies are running around naked but at the same time they are happy and thankful for what they do have.

“… We think we need stuff to be happy, but what you really need is relationships. It was neat. It had a huge impact on me.”

Through baseball, Humber was able to build short-term but special relationships with the kids that he was instructing.

“When you can build a relationship with someone, they can tell you their story and you can relate to them your story,” Humber said. “It’s really neat to see the bonds that can be created just in a short time.

I was particularly moved by the line “…what you really need is relationships.”

I could not agree more.

When all is said and done, all of our lives will be marked by the impact we had on other people and the number of relationships we were able to build. This requires genuinely caring about others and committing the time to do it.

I am realizing this more and more as I get older, and it’s not always something I’ve been great at keeping in perspective.

When you work a lot, and when much of that work is done writing in relative solitude, it can be easy to retreat unto yourself and lose focus on others and relationships.

Though the particulars for you may be different, I’m sure you can relate in some sense.

There are so many distractions competing for our attention, and so many different directions in which we all get pulled, that it can be a real challenge to remember that so much of it just doesn’t really matter.

Ultimately, only one thing matters: people.

That’s it.

Our relationships with people. Spending time with people. How we treat people. Our genuine willingness to help people. Our ability to empathize with people.

These are the actions, thoughts, and emotions that create real happiness and fulfillment, so much more than any thing ever could.

If I sound like I’m preaching, it’s because I am a little bit; but not to you. I’m preaching to myself.

One of my personal goals in developing the concept of primility and this site is to create a consistent reminder in my own life of these things that I sometimes forget.

It’s all about balance, and ultimately that’s what the concept of primility really is.

For me, that means finding a way to better balance my goals at work and for personal development with the need to nurture current relationships with family and friends and to cultivate new ones.

That means getting away from the office, getting away from the computer and spending time with people. (You know, actual human people. Not Facebook accounts and Twitter handles.)

I’m always happier when I do, and what’s ironic is that I end up being more motivated, efficient, and effective at work as well.

Funny how that works out, huh?

Actually, it’s not funny. It’s life. It’s the essence of our humanness.

We’re social people with social needs and desires that must be satisfied before almost anything else, whether we acknowledge them or not.

Don’t let yourself believe any fallacy, especially self-proposed, that suggests otherwise. The long-term impact on your life will not be positive.

If you don’t believe me, ask Phil Humber. I’d bet he’d agree.

And he is “perfect,” after all.

*****

Is there something in your life that has been preventing you from developing relationships like you fell you should be?

If so, what can you do to change it?

It’s true, unequivocally so, but you will think I’m making it up. Just know that I’m not.

Here is the statement: The most excited I ever felt going to work was for the shittiest job I ever had.

See, you think I’m making it up. I knew you would.

But I’m not.

And I couldn’t have done it without Sam Cooke.

Image: Getty via BlackEnterprise.com

The Shittiest Job I Ever Had

The shittiest job I ever had was selling promotional coupons door-to-door.

It was also one of the greatest jobs I ever had because of what it taught me. The #1 lesson I learned: have and maintain a positive attitude.

More than teach me to have a positive attitude, the job trained me how to keep a positive attitude.

Peddling coupons around major metropolitan areas (I was in Miami) is a mentally and physically challenging job. You get told “No” a lot. You get justifiably weird and angry looks.

But you also get stronger.

You build up your attitude like a muscle, working it out every day, strengthening it, toughening it, and learning how to make it work for you rather than the other way around.

I ultimately had to leave that job behind, but I’ll always be forever grateful for what I learned by doing it.

What Sam Cooke Can Teach Us About Having a Positive Attitude

Having and maintaining a positive attitude is far easier said than done, and it’s easier for some people than others, and it’s easier in some situations than others.

If it weren’t, everyone would do it all the time.

And this is where Sam Cooke comes in.

Well, for me at least.

There are certain Sam Cooke songs that I simply cannot hear without feeling better immediately. Good Times and Having a Party top the list. They are simple, they are positive, and they of course feature one of the greatest voices in music history.

How can you not feel better after listening to this?

Another is A Change Is Gonna Come.

It certainly does not have the happy-go-lucky feel of the others, and it’s references to intolerance and injustice and struggle harken back to a very real and very shameful past, but the overall message is one of hope and an expectation of optimistic outcomes despite immediate struggles.

Talk about a positive attitude.

So to sum it up: even in the worst of times, a change is gonna come…so keep thooooose records playyyyyying.

That’s having a positive attitude.

Any of us can do it, on any day we want to.

And on the days when it’s harder, you might just need a friend like Sam Cooke to help pull you through.

The Most Important Decision of Every Day

Some days having a positive attitude does not even seem like a choice. It’s automatic. I love those days.

Some days we wake up happy, excited, vigorous, vitalized, and nobody’s gonna stop us now…oh no…we always keep on moving.

But those days aren’t when we need our attitude.

We need the armor of attitude on the days when we wake up feeling the opposite. When something has us down, when we’re dreading something, or when optimism seems further out of reach than it should.

It is on these days that we need friends like Sam.

The aforementioned Sam Cooke tracks, some of Jason Mraz’s cheesiest and most the-world-is-wonderful! songs, and more recently some of the tracks from Of Monsters and Men’s new album, always make me feel better after I’m done listening to them.

(Note: when I was in Miami, the sweet sounds of Shakira filled this role whenever, wherever I needed them to. When in Rome, right?)

And maybe it’s not music that does it for you. Maybe it’s working out. Maybe it’s talking to a specific friend. Maybe it’s playing with your dog. Maybe it’s praying or meditating. Maybe it’s reading a motivational quote.

The point is to know where you can turn to for a boost of attitude adrenaline on the days when you really need it…and then to actually do it.

No decision we make on a daily basis is more important than the decision to have or not have a good attitude.

But we can’t let foolish pride prevent us from asking for help on the days when the good attitude does not come at the snap of our fingers. Instead, let’s be humble and turn to our trusted attitude advisers on the days we need them most.

For me, it’s Sam Cooke, et al.

Who or what is it for you?

Know the answer, and then stay there ’til you soothe your soul…

Even if it takes allllll night long.